I've been alone for a long time now. There are a lot of reasons for this, but they all lead back to one major reason: I don't know how to deal with my emotions. I don't like to make my problems other people's problems, so I decided to keep to myself until I learn how.
(Sidenote: This plan seemed logical at first, but all it really does is force me to cut myself off from people and stew in negativity instead of resolving anything)
Every so often, I'd think that I've figured out how to keep myself together and behave like a reasonable human being. And every time, I would prove myself wrong. Whether it's insecurity, anger, spite, jealousy, or whatever else, something would get the better of me. And I'd wind up alone, which is better for everyone.
I used to think that one day I'd figure this out. Now I'm terrified that this is just who I am.
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