Retrospective

I try my best to keep my mind in the present (or the future), because getting lost in your own history isn't helpful if you're trying to move beyond it. I was a different kind of person when I was younger, and I would hate for someone to judge me by that standard now. I try to avoid doing that to others as well. But I can't help that the past remains relevant. 

Reflecting on the person you used to be and who you are now can give you insight into what others are going through. We've all been immature. Some of us have moved past it. Some of us still have work to do. I don't want to pretend to take the high ground here, because nobody is finished growing.

If someone you know is still in progress, I think you owe them your sympathy. I think you owe them your good faith, and the benefit of the doubt. Because someone probably gave that to you when you were in that position. And if they didn't, wouldn't it have helped if someone did?

On the other hand, some people aren't ready to be helped. You can reach out all you want, but they're just not in a place where they can grow. And some people are just small. Try as you might, they just won't listen. They're stuck in their patterns.

Once you've made your attempt at discourse, you don't owe them anything else. You've made your good-faith attempt to influence their lives, and all you can do is wait for them to catch up, if they ever will. All you can really do is try to better yourself and hope they see you as a good example. 

My point is, be open and understanding to people. But if they don't want to listen, that's not your burden to carry.

Forward

Hey, guys. Been a while. Just wanted to give an update.

I'm broke, I've gained some weight recently, I drink too much, I don't exercise enough, and I'm happy. I'm actually really fucking happy, in a way that I didn't think I could be.

I would never suggest to someone that the best way to fix all their problems is to find a romantic partner. I definitely think that you should do your best to get your own shit together, rather than hoping someone comes along to magically "fix" you. And I suppose I did do that to an extent. But for me, it turns out that being in a relationship helped me to address a lot of the specific problems I had.

My main issues were always based in isolation and a lack of confidence. So it turns out, having someone in my life that understands and appreciates me is exactly what I needed. Not that I don't appreciate the support that you all have given me over the years. The fact that anyone ever cared enough to read this blog at all means the world to me. But it's just a different kind of support.

Sure, I still have my bad days. Sometimes I still don't feel like I can deal with anyone. But she understands that, and knows when to give me my space, and when I need affection. Overall, this is probably the most emotionally stable I've been in my entire life, and I have her to thank.

Sorry, I didn't intend to ramble on about my girlfriend for this long. My point is that I've been doing much better lately (I didn't actually make a single post in 2017). I'm going to be starting a new blog later today/tomorrow, but it's going to be a more intellectually-focused one, rather than a personal/emotional one. I'm really grateful for those of you that have been reading this over the years. I'm not going to take this blog down, but I suspect I won't be needing to make any posts on here anytime soon.

I love you all, and if you ever need someone to talk to, you know where to find me.