I make bad decisions all the time. But they're the really boring ones, like playing video games instead of studying for a test, or buying stuff I don't need with the little money I have (although that one did result in some pretty cool new music this week). Basically, they mostly involve me being a lazy piece of shit and not doing the basic things I'm supposed to be doing.
I'm getting really tired of this middle ground where my life isn't what I want it to be, but it doesn't really suck I guess. Part of me wants to really fuck everything up, just so I know I can actually make a difference. I just need things to change, and I'm losing faith in the idea that I have the ability to make things better.
I'm aware that this is basically just the negative version of my last post. I guess my mind hasn't changed, I'm just in a much worse mood right now. This blog has exactly 1000 pageviews right now though, which I am strangely proud of, because that means that maybe someone gives a shit about me.
I'm really sorry I'm so all over the place lately. My emotions are starting to give me whiplash. I don't want you guys to worry about me too much though. It actually bothers me when people get too worried about me. Maybe because I don't think I'm worth the trouble. Not because I think I'm subhuman or anything like that. I just know I'll go on being the same, no matter what anyone tells me. For better or worse, I'm very resistant to change.
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