Priorities

So I had a little too much wine at work today, which means I'll either completely talk out of my ass or be way too honest. Either way, expect me to make you uncomfortable with my feelings.

This morning when I woke up, I had a weird clarifying moment. I woke up way too early and I wanted someone there with me to cuddle with so I could maybe feel okay (and hopefully get back to sleep before my neighbor's obnoxious fucking dog got started), and I realized the person I felt the most comfortable imagining with me wasn't the first person I expected it to be.

It reminded me that I probably don't know what's best for me as well as I think I do. And that maybe I should stop beating my head against a wall for someone who won't show me that they care while setting aside someone who seems like they really might.

And maybe I can't make it work, be it because of the distance, my financial situation, or just because I hate myself a little too much. Maybe I'm scared to try because I don't want to ruin it now if I'll be better equipped to handle it later, and it could turn out to be a really great thing for me. And that's not an opportunity I want to waste. I don't know. But I'm starting to realize that I shouldn't waste my time on something that's so frustratingly one-sided just because I don't feel like the better thing is viable right now. Because that doesn't really help anyone.