I get pretty lonely at times.
If you know me at all, you probably already know that about me. I try not to whine about it like some melodramatic teenager (at least, not since I was a melodramatic teenager), but there it is. I'm definitely not looking for a relationship, or a hook-up, or a sex buddy, or any other sort of non-relationship relationship right now. Things are just simpler with me on my own. Not that things are ever really that simple, but I feel like I have the right amount of entropy in my life, and I don't want to throw romance into the mix, mostly because I know that it's not something I can really take lightly/be casual about.
I'm pretty comfortable with the way things are most of the time. But once in a while, I'll think to myself "This moment would be so much better if I had someone to share it with." It's never anything big, either. It's not some miserable feeling where I need someone to talk to or I'm going to break down and cry myself to sleep. It's more subtle; like when I'm sitting around watching TV (which is not uncommon), I'll imagine someone sitting next to me, watching with me, laying her head on my shoulder. Or sometimes when I go out for a walk at night (also pretty common), I'll have her hand in mine, and we'll go on shitty adventures together (I mean, how good can adventures around campus really be after four years?). It's not something I try to imagine, and I don't really know when these moments are going to happen. It just sort of... hits me, I guess. And it reminds me of the small parts of romantic connection that I really do miss. Maybe that means I do want a relationship. I'm not really sure, and I haven't really bothered trying to figure it out in a long time.
So I should probably be approaching some sort of point here. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you have someone in your life who you really care for, trust, and feel comfortable around, who lets you experience these kinds of moments for real, make sure you appreciate every second of it. There's tons more to a relationship than that, but the little things like this can go a long way.
