I don't really let myself get angry very often. I consider anger to be an unreasonable reaction to most things. However, for the sake of my sanity, sometimes I have to let it happen. If you repress that stuff too much, instead of being angry, you just become sort of numb and frustrated, and I'm really tired of being numb and frustrated.
It seems to me like a lot of the things I want out of life are dangling just out of reach. Many of these things are things I have some control over, and maybe I could reach them if I stopped being lazy or scared or whatever my mental block is. The rest, I really can't do anything about. Maybe I could have at one point, but now this is just the situation I'm in. Unfortunately, these are the things I worry about the most.
Whenever I don't have anything to occupy my mind, I get stuck in this irritating fog where I just sit around and get annoyed at the aspects of my life that I can't change. If I think too hard about it, it kind of feels like suffocating. And I think too hard about a lot of things, so it tends to drag me down pretty often.
But today, for the briefest moment, instead of getting frustrated, instead of drowning, I got angry.
At first, I was angry with those static elements in my life that I can't control. But eventually I was just angry at myself for not doing anything about the things that I can.
I spend way too much of my time worrying about things I can't change and people that don't care about me. If I'm ever going to make any progress, I need to do things differently. I need to focus on the things I can make a difference in, and the people that I know I matter to.
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